Basic Parlor Games for Coronavirus Quarantines

Some (mostly satirical) suggestions on how to entertain yourself while stuck at home

“Netflix is preparing for the server strain of the bored but quarantined masses.” — The Times

Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon:

When a new celebrity announces they’ve tested positive, try to connect them to Kevin Bacon using 6 movies or less.

Six Degrees of Facebook Friends:

In six connections or less, try to connect with someone on Facebook who has the virus. This is like The New York Times Crossword Puzzle in reverse: Really hard on Monday, increasingly easier as the week goes on.

“Corona” TV Drinking Game:

Put on CNN. Every time they mention any news that is NOT about the Coronavirus, drink. When everyone is still sober three hours later, change the channel to Fox and drink every time someone says it’s NBD. Get crunk.

Politician Pool:

$5 per day of play. Everyone picks a politician to test positive for the virus next, and writes that name on the calendar. If your pol “gets it” before the day arrives, you win the pool that day. No limit to how many days you can play at once, and how many pols you can pick is determined by your in-house “bookie.” A chance to win big plus Schadenfreude equals fun for the whole family. Try it with movie stars or athletes if you’re already disgusted by politics.

(NOTE: Gambling may be illegal in your state, but then again, it may be the only way to get toilet paper.)

International Bingo:

Make a list of 5 countries that still haven’t ̶h̶a̶d̶ ̶r̶e̶p̶o̶r̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶c̶a̶s̶e̶s̶ instituted a ban on American travelers. First to get all the countries on their list yells, “Bingo!” and gets to control the Roku remote for the entire day.

Misinformation Clue:

A thinly veiled excuse to talk smack about racist uncles and backwards-ass friends from high school. Assemble your suspect list from your worst Facebook friends, rooms by location, and murder weapons by category of misinformation. Like, if that Mean Girl Shelly is still posting about the “Wuhan flu” and how her corner of the country is a “Wuhan-free Zone,” your accusation would be, “It was Shelly in Mississippi with casual racism!” Your uncle’s chain-email assertion that “it’s just the flu” becomes “It was Uncle Paddy in Ohio with gross downplaying,” or just “Jackass with the Fox method!” Basically as boring as the original Clue with more satisfying yelling. Go ahead, feel superior, you’re probably getting it anyway.